I was on my way home. I had called on some folks in the hospital. Then I had gone on to have a brain scan myself. I had to stop at one more hospital on my way home. Afterwards it was dark. Traffic was bad and I was in a funk. I decided to call a friend on my Bluetooth in the midst of St. Louis rush hour traffic. I got their answering machine and before I hung up a guy sped up intentionally cutting me off. He almost forced me onto a ramp going the opposite direction I wanted to go.
Forgetting I was still talking to the answering machine I uttered a few choice words. As soon as I got into the lane I needed to be in I realized I had just left some of my best friends in the whole world a message that I would not want to leave anyone let alone them. I was sick to my stomach. I called back. They still did not answer so I left them a message explaining what happened and asking for their forgiveness. I did get a hold of them this morning. My buddy’s wife said it was for him because he really needed a good laugh. Forgiveness was given and all is good. My friends know me well enough to know I am flawed person but they love me anyway. That’s what God does for us isn’t it?
All this reminded me that even when I am alone, even in my thought life, God sees and hears all. I would not have said those words, no matter how angry I was, if Jesus was sitting in the passenger seat…and he was! My faith tells me Jesus is always there. I believe God sees and hears everything, even our thoughts. I pray this event will help me to be consistently faithful even when I am alone, even in my thoughts.
God deserves our faithfulness all the time, not just when others are watching. I thank God for this event even though I felt a lot of shame for a while. Maybe it will help me the next time I am tempted to act or think in a way that I would not if Jesus were physically sitting by my side. Just a few thoughts from an imperfect pastor.